Game of Thrones: Translator, Please

Spoiler Alert:  I am caught up with HBO on Game of Thrones.  

OMG it's getting HAIRY.  My friend Shannon called this AM and said "Did you see Game of Thrones?  I'm confused!"  and I said "Helllll yeah; I am, too!"  LOL

Seriously - the secondary characters and storylines are getting a little hard to follow without pie charts, bar graphs and the ever-famous Game of Thrones Character Wiki.  But that's OK because it's so good, I cannot contain myself!

If you think for one minute that Khaleesi is giving away that dragon, I've got a bridge to sell you in Siberia.  (That is soooo not the way it goes, but work with me here.)  Shannon thinks that dragon is going to fly back to her...and I tend to agree.  Or she's got something else up her sleeve.  But what crazy-assed, Dothraki-speaking, unnaturally blonde bitch runs around waxing on about her dragons for an entire season...and then SELLS one?  Aint-go'-happen, y'all.  She's plotting...and I'm giggling.

Onward.  Tyrion, my love, what have they done to you??  Your poor face.  It makes me cry.  And your self-confidence seems to be wavering in the shadow of your ASSHOLE, possibly non-paternal father.  But you did well with pulling the chair to the head of the table (always one step ahead of Cersei).  Now we've just got to get you back with that sweet, little hooka you shack up with and send you on your way...AWAY from these horrible people who keep you DOWN in life.  And to the ever awesome Peter Dinklage, I say  "WHAT'S UP JERSEY BOY???"  (Always have to remind everyone he's "from Jersey" and not some town in England with a "shire" on the end.)

And that sweet little hooka is protecting Sansa, thank GOD.  That poor girl.  I've wanted her out of that craphole kingdom ever since SATAN showed her her father's head on a stick.  And might I ask...has anyone ever noticed how incredibly odd-looking striking Joffrey is??  He's played by a 21 year old named Jack Gleeson.  How'd you like the be the guy who was purposely hired because you look off-putting striking in order to look realistic whilst playing the son of a brother/sister team??  And if you google him, you'll find the photographers/make-up artists/designers/etc play up his strange features strikingness wonderfully.  Just look at that GQ creep show!!!

Last but not least (for today; I could go on all night about this show) OMG JAIME LANNISTER'S HAND!  WTF??? That was SICK!!!!  And I am so afraid of what is going to happen to Sasquatch.  They clearly have zero respect for human life OR dignity.  They might be even worse to her now that Jaime mouthed off.  And now Cersei isn't going to want him anymore, now that he can't fight big, bad...uhhh...bad guys with his sword.  Maybe Arya Stark will teach him to fight left handed.

The Walking Dead Finale: Um...OK?

SPOILER ALERT:  I have now finished Season 3 of The Walking Dead. 

Add a Brady Bunch tune to 
this graphic and you pretty
much have the end of season 3.
Um, could someone tell me WTF I just watched?  They ENDED the season with joyful music and a close-up of a cross?  (Whose was that, by the way?)

Where's the big cliff hanger?  Where's the angst?!  They finished EVERYTHING and tied it all up in a pretty pink bow!  WTF is up with that?!  They should've dragged out the Andrea scene into next season.  (Totally bummed that she's dead, by the way.  I loved her.  Although she didn't have much of a place in either camp this season; I should've expected it.)

Dad, did you steal another
one of my Bud Lights?
I want it back.  GO!!
OK so let's talk Carl.  Lordddddddddddd the ever-annoying Carl.  I can't STAND when kids think uncle" and throws that stupid cowboy hat across the walker-laden fields like an extreme frisbee.  HOW funny was it when he saw all those people get off the makeshift school bus (it was like the anti-Partridge bus from hell) and was obviously soooo mad?!  I cheered!  Rick was all "you killed one kid and I saved like 20, dumbass" with his eyes.  It ruled.  As much as I love Rick, that's how much I can't stand Carl.  Lori's kid, through and through.
they're adults.  That kid annoys me so much, I want to grab his cute little nose and twist it until he yells "

Not enough Daryl tonight.  LOVED when Carol got all badass and killed that walker when Glenn and Maggie were closing the gate.  It was like "Whoa - where's Carol's mojo been all this time?!"

"Real life" shot, but
aren't they so cute?!
OMG Michonne.  Michonne, Michonne, Michonne.  I love her character so much.  She's SO stylish (I am the queen of wraps, so I dug tonight's ensem), she's so pretty and she's SUCH A FRIGGIN BADASS...I just want to hug her.  She doesn't even FLINCH when she kills those walkers.  And how about her reunion with Andrea?  OMG I was so sad.  And she refused to leave her.  Did you catch the irony in that?  Andrea left Michonne.  I just LOVE THIS SHOW.

So sad we have another 6 months until it's back.  What will I do until then?  I woke up dreaming about walkers this AM and I hadn't even seen the show in two weeks!  I am already in withdrawal!  I'm running out of shows!  Somebody better bring Walter White or Jax Teller back soon or I'm going to lose my shizzle!!!

Natural Born Charmer: Withdrawal Much?!

I just finished Natural Born Charmer by Susan Elizabeth Phillips.

I cannot even think of starting another book as I am IMMERSED in the world of Dean and Blue.  And April, Jack, Riley...and most of all NITA.  I miss her sooo much.  She was my favorite character!  What a juicy bitch!  Yet, she was masking her soft side.  Just like Blue masked her soft side.  Just like April masked her soft side.  Just like Riley masked...just about everything.  I totally want that awesome kid to come live with me so I can buy her clothes and do her hair, but she'  And seeing as my own 11 year old daughter isn't too keen on me doing her hair, I guess it's a good thing she's not real!

Seriously...I can't say enough about this book.  I loved the town. I LOVED the farm.  I want to MOVE there.  Holy crap, between April's spectacular renovations and the hilarity that goes on in that town?  NOT TO MENTION the hilarity between Dean and Blue?  OH my god I am in such withdrawal.

I have to send out a huge THANK YOU to JJ and Tonya, because they made me read this book.  And JJ is also a thousand percent correct in her assessment that this would make a fantastic screenplay.  I see this as a weekly TV series.  This town...these characters...they are just too good not to take to another level.  I can't get enough of them.

I have to admit though...I was reeling when Dean's friends showed up out of nowhere and he blew off Blue.  WTF?!?  Don't get me wrong - I understood him being blind-sided and not quite knowing what to do or say.  But when Blue went to the STORE FOR THAT BITCH, COURTNEY?!?  OH my god, I was so mad at her for doing that.  My ass would have walked out then and there.  I won't blame Dean, because I'm not sure he even know that happened, but still.  He left with them and apparently accepted Courtney as one of his many girlfriends for the day.  More WTF?!?  THAT was stepping WAY out of line.  I wished we'd have heard that he pulled her aside and set her straight (like he did with that bimbo at the end, thank god.)  I was literally shaking in my bed when I read that whole section.  I couldn't put it down because I could not even begin to think about sleeping after that.

Relationships I loved:

When Dean finally gave in and let himself become Riley's brother.  I was aching for this to happen.  Hell, I'd love a book about their relationship in the years to come.

Jack and Blue?  Priceless.  She was terrified of him and I could relate to that in a zillion ways.  My Jack Patriot is John Taylor from Duran Duran.  (I can hear you giggling across the country, Staci!)  When I first met him (yes, I said "first".  Groupie, much?), I figured I'd never get the chance to speak to him again (and had some serious beer guts working).  So I tapped him on the back to get his attention...and when he turned around, all I could manage was "Great show!"  GREAT SHOW?! Reminds me of Baby in Dirty Dancing.  "I carried a watermelon?!"  This was followed by a horrifically embarrassing interview at a Duran Duran gallery exhibit where I told the camera I couldn't believe the suit he wore in the Save a Prayer video was so..."orange"...knowing the video was for him.  Yes.  You read that right.  Fifty million times I've watched Save a Prayer, and that's all I can get out of my mouth?!?  Orange?!  OK - digression over.  Moving on...

Riley and Nita - OMG Nita made my heart bleed a few times.  And even though her compliments were half-assed and backhanded, I knew she meant well and was just as insecure as everyone else.  And I have to tell you, I'm a little upset that Jack left with April and Riley.  Poor Nita!  New housekeeper or not, she and Riley were great little friends.  I hope Riley visits every summer and Skypes with Nita.

Speaking of person who instantly came to my mind to play her:  Dale Raoul who plays Maxine Fortenberry on True Blood.  I know she's much younger than the character, but I can't help it.  She plays such a tremendous southern, small-town BEOTCH on True Blood; I saw her immediately when Nita showed up in the diner and sat down with Blue and Riley.  Perhaps we can un-gnarl her knuckles just a wee bit?  :)

More casting tomorrow.  I'm going to be thinking about this in my sleep.

The Walking Dead: Twists and Turns

SPOILER ALERT:  I have one episode left in Season 3 of Walking Dead. 

Dangit Merle!  I was just starting to think I might be able to not totally hate you eventually, you dumbass!!!  OMG poor Daryl having to kill him.  I am so sick over that.  That poor soul has done nothing but help everyone else since Day 1...and now he has to kill his own brother.  It's so unfair.  (LOL I didn't give a rat's ass when Carl had to kill Lori.  What does that say about me?)

LOVED when Merle let Michonne go.  That was really awesome.  I think he realized there was a good chance of him dying...and he wanted Little Brother to know he was a good guy deep down.  Schnikees - I thought - for a minute, tonight - that Merle and Carol were developing a little understanding.  I was kindof hoping for a neat, little triangle between them and Daryl...but it was not to be.

Ummm...did anyone notice that we haven't seen Andrea since the governor tied her up in the house of horrors?  Holy crap - the thought of being tortured by that asshat is almost scarier than getting eatin' by a walker.

Glenn and Maggie are engaged.  Zzzzzz.  Don't get me wrong - they're cute and I like them both...but we're in the middle of the greatest storyline in weeks and you stop to show us the proposal-that-wasn't-really-a-proposal?  With a ring from a walker?!  And is it me, or was that so entirely gnarly when he cut off that poor walker chickie's finger?  Geez - tonight I watched Michonne stomp on some dude's head and squash it like a watermelon.  Yet seeing that woman's finger cut off was ten times worse.

Well at least we're not being subjected to Andrea trying to be the go between and get all the boys and girls to play nicely anymore.  Yawn.  That was pretty boring, too.

And for the love of all that's holy - Lori showed up AGAIN tonight??  WTF?!  Get RID of her dead ass already, man!  Or, at least, if you're going to bring back someone for hallucinations, make it Shane for god's sake!  Not Lori.  Even in death she's got that bitchy, condescending look about her.  It's really annoying - just like her.

OMG tonight was a great episode as far as walkers go.  It's about time we get back to the WALKERS being the scary part of the show and not the stupid governor.   And I hope it's not anticlimactic when they kill him on next week's finale (c'mon, you know they're gonna) like it was with that gross psycho on Boardwalk Empire this season.  You'd have thought they'd make his death slow and painful but nooooo... they just shoot him - and that's that.

But I digress.  Bottom line - I want pain and suffering or the governor.  Does that make me a bad person?

The Walking Dead: Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K

SPOILER ALERT:  I have 3 eps to go on season 3 of The Walking Dead.

W...TF?!?  Ya know...The Walking Dead is pissing me off.  WHAT have they done to the feel of the show?  Where is the FEAR?!  Where is the constant worry about WALKERS?!  I don't give a rat's ASS about the stupid governor and his annoying people.   The SCARY part about this show was the fact that you could die - by a crazed zombie - at any moment.  It seems to me that that feeling is long gone.  

Remember when they used to be afraid to use their guns because the gunshot sound would attract a ton of walkers?  HELL - remember when they used to have to deal with HERDS?!  THAT was some scary-assed SHIT.  But not now.  Now we just have to sit there - twiddling our thumbs - and listening to Rick and the Governor exchange pleasantries.  Zzzzzz.  For the love of all that's holy...if you're going to make me sit through that, at least fix up Rick's hair a bit and give us more close-ups of his eyes or something...GEEZ. 

By the way - again - watching The Talking Dead on AMC post-Walking Dead and damn does this show crack me up.  I love when they give you slow-mo of all the zombies who died close-up and personal on tonight's episode.  

OK back to the grind.  WHAT is with ANDREA?!?  Girlfriend has gone and lost her DAMN mind.  Is she with the governor?  (Ew, gross.)  Is she with Rick-and-the-Gang?  WHO the frig is Andrea rooting for?  Ya know, there was a day when she was FIERCE.  Not anymore.  It's like she hid in Michonne's shadow for a while and now she's this little shell of what Andrea once was.  So sad.  I don't really give a shit WHAT she does from here on out.  Just don't eff things up for Rick now that he's gotten over seeing Lori in a nightgown every five seconds. 

And speaking of Michonne - I love her.  That is all.  The governor best step OFF.  

Glenn and Maggie.  More zzzz.  I really miss the old Glenn.  He was happy go lucky and fun and made everyone laugh.  He wasn't this ridiculous badass-acting dude.  Geez - go hack into the state department's computers or something, would ya, man?  I'm starting to like MERLE better than Glenn at this point. 

OK that's all for now.  OH yeah - PS - When are Carol and Daryl going to hook up?  ("A girl named Carol followed Daryl every gig we played..."). 

ANOTHER PS - Andrea's going to kill the Governor.  Make no mistake.  Girlfriend is going to step up and take responsibility and get it done.  Just watch.  

HAWK is HAWT!!!!

WOOT!!!  THIS just in from Kristen Ashley:

Welp... here it is! GCP's new cover for Mystery Man, due out in print in August. Seriously... when they showed me this, I got a little tingle. Okay, maybe a big tingle. HAWK! HAWT! 

Rock on!

The Walking Dead Season 3: Clear

SPOILER ALERT:  I am caught up on season 3 of The Walking Dead and just finished the most recent episode called "Clear". 

HOLY CRAP!!!  WHAT an episode!!!  I don't even know what to think!  First off - I dig Michonne.  I have since Day 1 when she showed up with those armless walkers on a chain.  (WHAT a fashion statement, right?!)  They NEED Michonne.  Rick is just jealous because she's more of a badass than he.  He could LEARN a few things from her.  And he KNOWS it.  She is such an asset to this group of people...they are absolutely nuts if they don't keep her around.

And she keeps walkers on a chain!  Who doesn't love that?!

OMG MORGAN.  I am so devastated over what he's become.  He's like Sisyphus!  He just keeps rolling that boulder up the hill and it keeps rolling back down on him.  WHY didn't Rick tie him up and MAKE him come with them?!?  I don't go for this "he's resigned to his own fate" bullcrap.  RICK could have easily become that.  EVERYONE deserves a chance at living.  MAKE him try, for God's sake!

OK.  Backpack Guy.  Wow.  When they SAW his remains at the end and then TOOK his backpack???  I was SO PISSED.  They have LOST their humanity!!! ALL of them!!  WHY didn't they pick him up?!?  I get it - I really do.  Survival of the fittest...we can't take care of everyone...yada yada yada.  But still.  That guy was alone.  He didn't have a huge group with him...they could have at least picked him up and dropped him somewhere.

Do you think it was a play on that whole "Never pick up a hitchhiker" thing?  

Loved when Michonne helped Carl and did it in such a way that he was able to hang on to his little 11 year old dignity.  It was cool.  SHE is cool.  Rick better tell everyone to accept her when they get back to Home Sweet Penitentiary Home.

Watching The Talking Dead on AMC.  It's fantastic.  I was born to be on a show like this.  It's like a frickin' blog on tv.  Love.

The Walking Dead - Season 3, Episode 9

SPOILER ALERT:  I just watched Episode 9 in Season 3. 

All y'all had no idea I could
look this fly, now...did ya? 
WHERE is Daryl going??  How can they let him go?  Why don't they lock Merle up in a cell???  OMG Carol is SO UPSET.  (And so is the the chick on the show!)  ;)

(cue Run DMC beat)  "A girl named Carol followed Daryl every gig we played.  Then D kissed her and dismissed her, now she's jockin' Jay."

Don't the writers know how hot we all think Daryl is now that we get daily photo updates on the Hardcore Daryl Dixon Fans page on Facebook??

Meanwhile, Merle is so deliciously trashy and disgusting.  They are really missing out by NOT bringing him and his sick banter to the prison.  I hope this gets rectified sooon.

Buy this very cool Glenn print
from Vlad Rodriguez HERE
Glen's a badass...and I think I LIKE it!  He is not taking any shite from aaaaanybody.  Wind him up and watch him go!

OMG does anyone want to listen to Andrea bitch at the Gubner?  NO.  Shut UP girl!  Just go home to the prison or whatEVER but don't beotch up a storm; it's getting old.

I love how these dumbass townspeople are bitching about the Governer.  "Waaah...waaaah...He shot Richard!"  Um...duh.  Of COURSE he shot Richard.  Richard was going to EAT you, you dingbat.

Oh Lorddddddddd...and now Andrea's bitching at the townspeople.  What's that?  Do I hear Kumbayah playing in the background?  Oh, no...that's just in my head.

I love these new people.  WHY is Rick being such a douche?

Rick: "I can't be responsible."
Dude: "You turn us out; you ARE responsible."

Ohhhh...that's why Rick's being such a douche.  He sees dead people!  I forgot.

Once Upon a Time: What a Hook Up!

SPOILER ALERT:  I am caught up in season 2 of Once Upon a Time. 

Dear Hook, you're hot.  Love, Carol

WHEN are they going to make this guy someone's love interest??  It's just completely wrong that we have to look at him every week and know that all he's going to do is be a prick and skulk around on his invisible boat.

And does anyone really care that Rumple killed his wife by ripping out her heart?  I don't.  It was pretty black and skanky and needed some spring cleaning. Oops.  Can't put it back.  Oh well.

And how about Mulan?  Wow she's such a bitch!  And that's right, sister...Belle can kill the snot out of those weird Ghost Busters-looking gatekeeper beasts and you can't!  So step OFF.

And bam!  There goes Rumple over the line but Hook, that beast, shoots Belle...and now she has no memory (I think?)  And that car from Pennsylvania hit Hook!  (LOL After growing up in PA, I found that slightly amusing.)  Maybe he'll HOOK up with one of the nurses.  Pun intended.

American Horror Story: Best. Episode. Ever!!!

SO MUCH STUFF to catch up on!!!

American Horror Story - the greatest episode EVER was on last week.  When they started dancing to the Name Game song, I thought I'd plotz right there on the couch.  Not only did Evan Peters dance...but he also smiled...which is not an often occurrence with that dude.

OMG how about Sister Mary Eunice rollin' on into the incinerator with Dr. Nazi Freak on top of her?!?  (James Cromwell is a god.)  Was that not one of the single most amazing shots EVER in the history of television shots?!?  I did NOT see that coming at all.

Predictions:  EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE.  LOL  Assuming the journalist is going to make it out since she gives birth to that train wreck, Dylan McDermott.  But what about Jude?  I love her.  I've loved her since Day 1 and I love her now. does...not...matter!  Jessica Lange just exudes cool!

That scary assed Doctor Psychopath  - aka Zachary Quinto - is so juicy this season, I don't know what to do with myself.  Every time they show his face, my skin crawls.  It's so ingenius to take the guy who brought you comfort during half the season and make him into the most frightening character on the show.  I think he's going to die a horrible death; I just don't know how it's going to go down.

Father Not-A-Virgin?  OMG I knew Joe Fiennes would be fantastic - and he is all that and more.  The man has absolutely mastered the art of being over-the-top in so many roles.  This...Flash Forward ("There's gonna be another blackout!!!)...Camelot....he's always above and beyond with the emotions...which is sick fun to watch.  I am almost hoping he gets romantic with poor, brain-zapped Sister Jude...before someone kills them both, take them into the woods and feed them to Mark Consuelos.

10PM tonight, y'all!!  Get ready!!