Monday, June 17, 2013

True Blood Season 6: Has Everyone Just Gone Total Outer Limits?

SPOILER ALERT:  I have watched one episode of Season 6.  

Ugh.  True Blood.  What have they DONE to you?  In the words of my cousin and fellow True Blood reader/watcher Jenn D, "what a mess!"

The storylines are all over the place.  The actors seem like they're trying so hard to keep up.  I actually stopped paying attention a few times last night because I was bored.  BORED!  By TRUE BLOOD!!!  There was a day that would have been sacrilege.   Now it's just the sad truth.

Let's get down to brass tacks.  Do they want Bill to be Billith or don't they???  Is he going to be this scary-assed blood monster...or is he going to be...just...Bill?  With a better hairstyle and more of a "go to bed young lady" tone?  It makes ZERO sense.

I'm meltinggggggg...
Last season, we ended the finale with Bill screaming like a banshee while covered with placenta.  This season, he's all dressed up in his Brooks Brothers and taking a moment to reflect with the gang.  And don't get me wrong - I kindof DIG this new Bill...because Bill's only problem thus far has been his tendency to be a little wussy man.  But you can't just throw the fact that the man MELTED out the window and bring him back like the thrice married, twice removed cousin of the town harlot on Young and the Restless!  What is this, the Vampire Diaries for pete's sake?!?  BLECH.

OK moving on.  Sookie, Sookie and more Sookie.  I don't know...she's just so whiny and blah this season...and has been for about 3 seasons.  Geez - I'd rather see her take her ass over to Bill's in her white nightgown, a la Season 1...and do the shiz out of his placenta-wearing ass.  WHILE he's wearing the placenta!

I want to be with you.  No, Sookie. No,
you.  No, Hoyt.  Wait.  Where the eff
is Hoyt?  No, Jason.  No, you.  Def you. 
OK Jess...I love you...but do you have ANY loyalty to ANYONE...EVER???  First it's Bill...then it's Hoyt...then it's Jason...then last night when I got up to go to the bathroom, it was Sookie...and when I came back from the bathroom, it was Bill again.  WTF woman.  Make up your MIND.

Eric.  Lordddddd Eric.  Thank god for him because I don't think I could watch without him.  Now listen up, children...here are actually some good points about last night:

1)  LOVE that Eric is flying again.  And it's PERFECTION.  Just straight up.  The way he's supposed to.  Kudos.

2) LOVE that he's the Eric from the books who loves Sookie and is always there for her, but will walk away from her dumb ass whenever she gets uppity or needs some Sookie space.

You are not going to make me chase your
fuckin' ass all fuckin season now Eric,
are you?  Because I will. I fuckin' will.
Just say the fuckin word and I fuckin' will.
Pam - lordddddd Pam.  Could she have said "fuckin" one more time last night?  I'm thinking No.  Not that I care...but it was half her (boring, whiny) dialogue.  What happened to all her FUNNY?!?  And I feel bad for her because she's  like a beaten wife.  She needs to tell Eric to kiss her 40-something tight ass and ignore the shit out of him.  He'll come back in about 30 years or so.

Tara - ew - I HATE the Tara/Pam bullshit.  I would like them if they were just coy with each other once in a while or sitting in a booth at Merlots, giving each other knowing looks like in the books.  But this full on Mommy/Daughter, Maker/Makee freak show is just weirding me out.

Another pro coming:

I's is the only bitch all up in here who gits a BIG ASSED
picture at My Purgatory because I look goood and wear
orange and yellow like a mother fuckin', hot-ass bitch. 
THANK YOU LAFAYETTE!!!  I will say it again, he is one of the only reasons I keep watching.  I turned to my hubby last night and said "I wish I could hang with Lafayette when I'm sad...don't you?"  And he totally agreed.  They need to write all KINDS of new shit for him and give him a good storyline.  PRONTO.

OMG just get rid of the wolves.  All of them.  Kill 'em all and move on.  THAT'S how boring they are....even WITH Alcide's ass being in our faces all night.

Jason...oh poor Jason.  Please...PLEASE give this man something to do. I'd rather see him laying around half nekkid on the couch making stupid comments about the girl he banged last night.  Must we watch him run around like a commando again this season?  Just please make sure to make him funny.  Please.

Sam - OMG again - GIVE THIS MAN A STORYLINE that doesn't involve a pack of ANYTHING except gum.  Or beer.  That is IT!  I am SICK TO FREAKIN' DEATH OF WILD KINGDOM!!!

OK that's it for now.  I need to go cool down...

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

agree Alcide and Lafayette are the only reason I am still watching....
Julie (CT)

Carol said...

Oooh lordddddd....and Eric.

Anonymous said...

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Bruce Ponty said...

This blog post is very interesting for reading. Honestly speaking I've never watched any of the seasons of True Blood so far and through reading this post I've inspired to give it a try. So looking forward to check out Netflix for all the seasons to watch at a time!! vampire diaries or true blood