Reign: Has Everyone Just Gone Total Outer Limits?

SPOILER ALERT:  The following is about episode 11 from season 1 of Reign. 

Who are these people who came to defend Catherine?  Does anyone know?  They're her family?  The Medici?  What is that, like the Voturi???

"We'll bitch slap Catherine
if her Medici family won't."

They kindof remind me of the villain family on the Superman with Christopher Reeve.  Or even the gang from The Matrix.  I know, right?  I'm certifiably cray cray.

OK I almost fell off the couch when the king was raking Kenna over the coals about Catherine and Nostradamus...and Queen Cat said "Off with you child. You've killed me enough for one day."  She's SO wickedly intelligent!  She always knows what everyone's up to. And she doesn't even seem that sneaky about it!  She just...knows!

Viscount who??  She exiled him for calling her an Italian horse?  No, wait...an Italian Mule?  Huh?  I hate when they just gloss over this stuff and make it sound so trivial...when we know it's going to rear its ugly head in the future and be a big, hairy deal.

Can someone please explain how and why Nostradamus is alive?  I thought Miss Potato Sack Head killed him with the knife that was hidden in the doll?  WTF?  And WHO put the knife into the doll?  Did we ever figure that out?

Clarissa wants to be Mary's defender.  OH MY GOD I think she's Catherine's DAUGHTER?!?  HOLY SHIT!!!  Now THAT'S some good WRITING!!!

Ooooh SNAP!!!  Henry and Catherine are together at last!!!  Sucking face!  I love it!!!!!  They should do this EVERY week!!  I rather like them together!  What a force to be reckoned with!  Much too tough for France!  (Sorry French buds; just being a wiseass.  I love you guys.  Any country that eats cheese and pastry for breakfast is my kind of place.)

See?  Knew it would come back huge.  This dude is Catherine's boyfriend who let himself be exiled to hide their secret...AND she had baby potato mask head WITH him.  Shaving his face to expose the birthmark was a nice touch, Henry.  Well played, my lord...well played.

OH MY GOD.  Holy SHIT! Everyone is pissed at Catherine!  Even her scary assed Superman villainesque family!  I love how they're all "You suck.  And not because you suck, but because you don't suck, so therefore, you suck."

Oh Mary - STFU.  You caused all of this.  I wish Catherine really did poison you.  You are everyone's darling and you leave a ton of casualties in your wake.  I'm fed the hell UP with you at this point, beotch.

Uh oh - here come the scenes for next week February 27th:

"I am way better looking than her."

"I'll have what he's wearing.
And can someone do my hair?"

OMG did you see that???  WTF is up with HALF A FACE?!  It's like Boardwalk Empire meets Reign!!  OMG that mask makes Richard Harrow look like he had a little eyebrow session at Neimans!  That shit is scary as f^%k!  She looks like a doll on Supernatural!!!!!


And you know what???  While I'm in a cursing mood:

WHERE THE F%$& IS FRANCIS?!?!?!?

Ya know...I love this show.  I watch every week...and it has really evolved and matured as the weeks have gone by.  They are bringing in more characters, and the storylines are getting more complex.  There are a million ways they could go and it's fun to watch it all unfold.

But honestly...this is NOT the show I signed up for.  WHERE IS FRANCIS? FRANCIS IS the show!  And he's nowhere to be found!  And he's not on the scenes for next week, either!  So will that be the third week in a row with no Francis?!  Or are they going to zing us and bring him back just in the nick of time??

And does Mary even CARE???  THAT is what bothers me the MOST.  She screwed him over - and he LEFT HIS OWN HOME - and LOST HIS CROWN - and she's just sashaying herself around the castle like she OWNS THE PLACE!!!  I get that she needs to save Scotland, but what about HIS country???  What about saving HIS crown??

And you know what else?  Does she not miss him, even a little?  Does she have no remorse for the
fact that she's about to MARRY his brother who he grew up with and loves???

Ya know...we suffered through 8 WEEKS of CAT AND MOUSE between Francis and Mary before they finally consummated the relationship and told each other they loved each other.  And what happens next?  Francis is gone and she's telling BASH she's open to loving him!!!  WHAT A FRIGGIN HO!!!!  No sooner out of one's bed and working her way into another!!!  It's maddening!!  What about Francis?!  You loved him with your whole heart and soul just 2 days ago!!

I am not happy.  Nope.  Not at all.

(Can't WAIT for 2/27!)  :)

REIGN: My Burning Question

I'll be blogging tomorrow about tonight's episode...but for now, I have to say one thing:

WHERE THE EFF IS FRANCIS????

Rant to follow mañana...

Reign: WHERE'S FRANCIS?

SPOILER ALERT:  I am discussing episode 10, "Sacrifice".

OH shiz - Catherine knows a TON of shit if she's the one sending everyone in to visit Bash at Privy Counsel. First the pregnant girl..and then the woman who tried to kill him.  Queen K is not to be messed with.

Here's what's bothering me already in this episode:

WHERE'S FRANCIS???

Daddy says I'm the best...

"Isabel's father was my mother's half brother".  Wait, what?  Shit.  I have to think about that.  OK so you're sortof first cousins.  Nice.  You people could rival the Dukes of Hazard crew...

OK and now Bash is sending the pregnant girl to his "other cousin's".  He sure does have a lot of family for being a bastard.

Taking the pregnant girl out the back way...dressing her up to look like a blueberry...

WTF...WHERE'S FRANCIS?????

OK so now we know Catherine is definitely behind the poison.  (Um, duh.  No big stretch.)  Can you blame her?  Survey says...NO WAY!  I mean, seriously.  With Bash dead, her son would be the future king.  Of course, she'd have to kill Mary at some point...but...whatevs.  I'm a little disillusioned with her at this moment in time anyway.

Oh Cat, I love what you've
done with the place!!!!!

I'm in hysterics at the fact that Catherine is redoing the dungeons in a lovely shade of Versace...

Bash's mother's father had a bastard son, too.  "Jonathan Durant"  That's the pregnant girl's father.
GEEZ!  Very progressive for the 16th century, no?

Um...WHERE'S FRANCIS???

"I marvel to think how grating and tedious you must also be...to achieve such a thing..."  ROFLMAO.  The best part about that statement is that I can't even remember who said it!  Catherine?  Mary?  Either way, it's positively scrumptious.

"Do you think I care what the kings former bed thing chooses to gossip?"  ROFLMAO  "former bed thing".  Now THAT is funny.  Does anyone truly like Kenna?  I know I don't.

Mary!  Don't be a ho!  Looking all cutesy-eyed at Bash.  Did you not just wake up with Francis YESTERDAY morning????  Which reminds me...

Bitch...WHERE'S FRANCIS?!?!

OMG now the baby's mother is dead??  Oh shiz.  WHO is going to raise that baby?  Watch Henry be
all cute with her or something.  That'll make me vom as he pretty much hates anyone without a pair of tatas pointed squarely in his direction.

Awww isn't that cute.  Bash and Mary cut their hands and dripped blood onto the grave.  Right before they MADE OUT.

UGH...WHERE'S FRANCIS?!?

Oh yeah and I just saw the scenes for next week.  Ummm...did anyone ask themselves...

WHERE THE EFF IS FRANCIS?!?!?

Postscript:  I find it absolutely delicious that this is the first week my hubby didn't fall asleep whilst during the show.  Why?  Because he doesn't like Francis!!!

HERE are the scenes for next week's episode, "Inquisition".  I'l tell you what...if Francis' hot, boney ass doesn't show up by the end of this episode, I'm someone's going to need a sedative.

Vampire Diaries: Goodbye to You

SPOILER ALERT:  The following are my thoughts whilst watching episode 11, "500 Years of Solitude."

Wanna shag me gone?

KLAUS!!! OH MY GOD! He's here!  With Caroline!!! In the woods!  Didn't see THAT one coming!!!

"In a shocking twist, Katherine's daughter's a psychopath."  ROFLMAO!  Damon is so friggin' funny, I don't know what to do with myself.  I'd like a book of nothing but Damon's one-liners.  Think someone can make that happen over at the CW?  Let me know.  Thanks.

WOW Klaus and Caroline getting BUSY in the woods!  This is outSTANDing!!!  I've wanted these two together since his hot, douchey ass first told her he dug her.  I love the angst, too.  "Ummm...OK so I'm going to give you the bestest, hottest, up-against-a-tree sex that you've ever had....and then you're never going to see me again, mmmkayyyy?  Great."

Shiz - is Katherine really dying?? Seriously?  C'mon now.  She's one of my favorite characters.  Her bitchiness just rounds out Elena's whineyness soooo nicely.

"Get out, Elena."  I just said that.  *I* did.  Me.  On my couch.  That just popped right the hell out m'mouth.  OUT LOUD.  Just take your skinny, immature ass right back out the door and let Katherine die with a shred of dignity, please.  We all know you're perfect and she's the devil.  Got it.  Now go.

I'm not giving blood!
Just stick it in my arm!  

Ummm...OK so when did Elena become a phlebotomist?  Oh right...it was only a shot.  She's just so good at so many things...it's hard to keep track!  What's next?  Astro-Physicist?

Oh SNAP...Katherine's Elena!!  NICE!!  Didn't see THAT one coming, either! (Seems to be the phrase of the night!)  OK so it looks like SOMEbody's been watching Once Upon a Time and wanted to try out the old person-switcheroo.  THIS is tasty as hell as storylines go.  Think about it.  Elena's going to come close to being buried...and Katherine's going to go schtup the shit out of Damon.  I think I LOVE this!!  Wait - maybe she'll dump Damon and hook up with Stefan again (because we all know he'd be slightly more AWESOME in bed than Damon.)  ;)

And lastly...Stefan.  I'm sorry...but I can't stand watching him be all nice to Damon about Elena.  Um, EW!  He totally got the short end of that relationship stick.  Or did he?  Actually - he made out pretty well as he's NOT HAVING TO PUT UP WITH ELENA'S WHINING ANYMORE!!!

OMG and how about all the dead people showing up in this episode???  ALARIC!!!

Be still my heart!!!  It was like being blinded by a thousand rising suns.  (Yes.  I do love Alaric and my life would be more COMPLETE if the CW didn't feel the need to OFF HIM.)  ;)

Reign: I Can't HANDLE the Truth!

SPOILER ALERT:  I wrote this while watching episode 9,  "For King and Country".

"I grew tired of you a decade ago."...ROFLMAO!  The king gets on my last nerve...but that shit was funny.  And Catherine deserves it, too.  She causes such destruction and then sits back and acts like she knows nothing about it.  Bitch needs to "get hers".  Nomesane?  (That's "do you know what I'm sayin'?" for anyone who didn't get my sad attempt at humor.)

FRIG - I feel so guilty.  I love Francis.  I adore Francis.  Yet Mary's not away from Francis 10 minutes and I'm already salivating over Bash.  SHIT.  This never happened to me with Vampire Diaries.

You can't leave me, Mary!
I look scrumptious in black!

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG WHAT???  Mary MARRY BASH?!?!?!  If that happens, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.  The second she and Bash were back from her adventure in the woods, Frahhhhncis was all KINDS of pissed off....and looking majestically badass in that black outfit.  And I was RE-hooked.  Sorry Bash...but Francis is just so pretty and full of baditude.

Wonder which one of
them has a bigger...hat.

Damn girl...Don't do this!!!  What's with the private chamber plotting??  Love me some Bash but you are going to cause all KINDS or problems between brothers if you keep this cray cray up!!!  Why do these women want to drive a wedge between brothers??? Have their mothers taught them nothing?? You pick one - and stick with him.  End of story!!  And, um, hello??? Do you have a brain in your head?  Just marry Francis!!  C'est la vie!!  Stop playing God!  I know Scots are awesome and all...but don't let it go to your head, bitch!

Yeah.  I'm hot.
And I'm not even British. 

OK you know what?  Nostradamus (who is actually somewhat Stefan Salvatore-hot when cleaned up) is annoying the crap out of me.  One minute you're all sweet and ...like a little lost bird...and the next you're being a douche to that poor Rocky Denis girl in the dungeon!  Make up your damned mind!  It's no wonder she got pissed and killed your ass!  (But who gave her the knife??  Catherine, so Nasty couldn't tell on her??  Which would mean Catherine knows about her.  Which, duh, is most likely the case.  But who the eff IS she?!  Do the writers even know???  What is this, LOST???)

Separated at birth? 

And has anyone ever seen Nostradamus and John Krasinski in the same room at the same time?  Just checking.

OMG Poor Francis. I can't even watch.  He is getting so screwed!!  In all areas of his life!!!  One minute he's losing the love of his life...and the next, he's losing his crown!!!!  Poor guy!! It'll serve her Scottish ass right if he takes off and goes effing every maiden girl within a 100 mile radius now that he's poor-and-cute instead of being rich-and-cute.

Speaking of...

Where IS Francis?!?  WHERE DID HE GO???  Why isn't he in the scenes for next week??? OMG I am going to lose it.  Seriously.  I have not been this angry at a show in a LONG time.

See for yourself:

            


Bottom line - I canNOT sit back and watch her marry Bash-licious with Francis nowhere in site for weeks.  THAT will just not work for me.  It *is* the CW though...so I'm sure he'll be back next week and they're just messing with us in the scenes.  Right?  RIGHT?!

Stefan...Damon...
Stefan...Damon...
Stefan...Damon...

And (the following involves a Vampire Diaries spoiler for those of you who haven't passed season 1 yet) here's what else is ticking me off.  I have put up with endless seasons of Elena bouncing back and forth between Stefan and Damon on The Vampire Diaries.  It's annoying as hell.  And if the CW thinks I'm going to sit back and watch that shit on a show that is SUPPOSED to have at least SOME historical accuracies....they are SADLY mistaken.

Damn, y'all.  When was the last time I was this pissed of?!?  Clearly I love this show!!!!

Fifty Shades of Tsk Tsk Tsk

OK so Julia just sent me this interesting DListed article about Fifty Shades of Grey...and how the author thinks the film is going to suck because there won't be enough sex and nudity.

I wanted to share my response with you guys and get your opinions.

(Am I on an island?)

I’m sure I'm in the minority because I really don’t want tons and tons of sex.  For me, personally, the heart of the story is Christian Grey’s effed up mind…and the people/things that have shaped his life.  I think our imaginations are usually more sexy than what’s on screen. I fear they could really screw it up if they show too much.  Just the sight of the red room - for me - will be truly exciting.  (Expecting everyone to disagree.  It’s cool.)  :)

PS - I am pleasantly surprised that everyone who responded to the email thread agreed!  I truly thought I would come off as boring as hell.  LOL   It's such an interesting topic...and not just for Fifty Shades.  I'm definitely a "less is more" person.  How about you?