Monday, October 21, 2013

The White Queen: They Paved Paradise and Put Up a Parking Lot

SPOILER ALERT:  I am finished The White Queen!

Yes...I'm sneering at you. Deal.
WOWWWWW.  I was on the edge of my seat during the whole last episode.  I kept asking my husband "Is this longer than an hour?  How long have we been watching??"  It was just...so...JUICY!  And there was no end in site!  Until it ended.  That kinda sucked.  

Richard, Richard, Richard...MUST you walk around SNEERING at everyone with those gorgeous eyes?  DAMN you, Richard!  I wanted to hate you...I really did.  And when you fell to your death on the battlefield?  You KNOW what we were all thinking:  PEOPLE PARK THEIR CARS OVER THAT SHIT NOW!!!  (OK not really as his bones were moved...but still.  Creepfest, party of Richard!)

If you don't know about Richard's remains ended up...you MUST read this delicious weather.com article about his bones being found last year. 

OK so hmmm...Elizabeth (the younger one). Was she a ho?  Anne was hella bitchy and Richard was the king.  Can't really blame a girl for falling into that den of iniquity, can we?  WHAT a position to be in, too!  "If the king loses, I'll marry Henry TYOOdor and be queen.  If the king wins, I'll marry the king and be queen.  Not too shabby!"  

How can I get
those gorgeous locks?
Suck it, Henry TYOOdor;
my hair is better than yours. 
And how about the haircut on Henry TYOOdor??  C'mon, man...this is a major television series for the BBC, Starz and lord knows who else.  You'd THINK you could lose the square haircut and seek out Richard's badass stylist.  That shit was PRIME hottie hair, was it not?  Henry TYOOdor's looked like Lord Farquaad from Shrek.
Henry, how's Sal down
at the barber shop?
 Tell him I said Hi!

OH my God - how much am I going to  miss Margaret??  She was fanTAStic.  I am the mother of the King, HENRY TYOODOR...and my fence-riding douche of a 4th husband can suck it."
Bow before the
Queen Mother, bitch. 

Her cocky ass marched itself RIGHT into camp...and then the battlefield!  She just sashayed her way across the bloody grass like she owned the place!  It was fantastic!

And the whole time, Mama Elizabeth just bid her time at that country estate, just watching the weather and planning her magic.  It was so awesome when her son came home; I have to google the crap outta that sitch and see what really went down.  Clearly somebody thinks she switched her son with that poor kid who bit it with her other son, Richard.  Or was it Edward?  (Shit she had 10 kids.  Who can keep them straight?)

I can't even be a wiseass
about theselittle lost souls.
Poor Elizabeth.
I can't even imagine.
Ritchie, I want an
Oompa Loompa
and I want one
NOW!
And Anne Neville.  Sigh.  She started out so sweet and that hellish, royal, medieval life really got the best of her.  I cried when her son, Edward died.  And how's about Daddy holding Elizabeth's hand at the funeral?!?  OH MY GOD that was so TWISTED!!!

I can't even blog anymore...I HAVE to go google.  There is so much intrigue in the British monarchy over the centuries.  I'm so glad people like Phillipa Gregory realize it and write about it...and make it positively yummy for the rest of us to swallow!

And since I am currently having a love affair with Starz, I just want to THANK them - once again - for backing the right horse and putting this FANTASTIC series on the air in the US.  

And PS - want to know what King Richard would have sounded like???  HOW COOL IS THIS?!

The White Queen: The Beginning of the End

SPOILER ALERT:  I have ONE EPISODE LEFT and am freaking out!!

I can't BELIEVE its over on Saturday.  What am I going to do??  I love this show!  You KNOW you love a show when it's on your DVR...along with THE WALKING DEAD PREMIERE...and you watch the White Queen first!!!!

Allow me to jump right the hell in...

First off...don't you LOVE how Elizabeth gets her panties all in a twist...so she makes it rain?  Girlfriend...if you can do that type of shiz, why not just strike everyone in the castle by lightning and go get your kid back???  LOL  Total head scratcher...but makes for awesome TV.

Ok secondly:

Dear Anne Neville, 

You are one primo CoUNTry singer.  (And I don't even like that word.)  How's about you get off your throne (pun intended) and help a sister out???  

Love ya, mean it...
Carol 

I absolutely LOVE how they're handling the disappearance of those two poor boys.  If you study the history, you will see that most people assume Richard killed the boys (or had them killed) to keep them off the throne ahead of himself.  But some people think it could have been others, doing it for people like Anne, Margaret, etc etc.  So it's absolutely brilliant how they're showing that it could have been anyone.  I've wondered all season how they were going to handle it and I couldn't be happier.  Totally smart move.

Is it me or is Richard hot?  Thought so.

Can't WAIT to see what fate befalls Margaret, mother of Henry TYOOdor.
You mess with the bull, sister...yer gonna get the horns.  And how about your hubby treating you like a no-good loser and totes deceiving you into thinking he gave a rat's ass about your son, Henry TYOOdor, becoming king!  Is that guy the best player of both sides you've ever seen???  OMG he's pure evil!

OK so my beard is a little rounded.
You KNOW I look exactly like him. 
And what's really bizarre is this:  Check out the real Thomas Stanley, compared with Rupert Graves, who "plays him on TV".  Isn't it uncanny?  It's a CREEP SHOW, is what it is!!  I can't believe how alike they are!

It's like they jumped off the pages of history and onto this little piece of awesomesauce that Starz was smart enough to pick up for us all this season.

OK y'all.  Saturday night.  The countdown is on!!!!



Friday, October 11, 2013

Vampire Diaries - Just a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

SPOILER ALERT:  I've watched one episode of Season 5.

OMG what a fun show this is.  I know people probably look at it like "Are you serious?  Vampire
Diaries?  What's next, Werewolf Bubblegum?  But you just have to watch to believe how amusingly delicious it is.

I am at a loss for what is going to happen this season.  I changed my mind about 17 times in one hour.  At first I figured we'd have to deal with Bad Fake Stefan all season...and poor Good Real Stefan would be stuck in that silver box for months.  (WTF is that thing?  A freezer?  An oversized safe?)

Then I decided they were going to get Good Real Stefan back pretty quickly and Bad Fake Stefan was headed out the door.  That's how they always deal with the summertime cliffhanger on shows like this.  They tie it up in one or two episodes and go back to the way things were.

My country 'tis of thee...
But then - THEN - Bad Fake Stefan gets his hot ass on stage and kills Bonnie's dad right in front of the whole damned town!  That was a MASTERPIECE of a scene!  Even if Bad Fake Stefan comes back, he's going to wanted for murder!  Then Good Real Stefan becomes Hot Jailbird Stefan and Carol is even MORE intrigued.

A few notes:

- I actually liked Elena in this episode.  She was happy and non-whiny.  Let's hope it continues.

- Dear Matt - this is a prime time television show at 8PM.  Please refrain from schtupping two girls at once.  Gracias.

Maybe no one will notice I've
 got my head turned like this and
am talking to nothing.
- Caroline - face it - Tyler's gone on to another TV show and isn't coming back.  It's time to dump his sorry, werewolf ass and go shack back up with Matt since he's the hottest guy on the show.

- OMG Jeremy has more lives than Kenny on South Park.  He dies in every episode!

- I hate that I now feel sorry for Bonnie.  I used to hate her annoyingness...but now I feel awful for her.  She's all dead and shit...and her poor Dad is about to sit next to her on the bus to nowheresville.

Tide?
No...my mom buys the cheap stuff. 
- If I had a dime for every dorm room of mine that looked like Elena and Caroline's, I'd be a very poor woman.  Are they kidding?  Cathedral ceilings, golden encrusted doorknobs and enough room to land a 747.  Righttttt.

- And if I had a dime for every time I skipped through the quad, holding my laundry basket...I'd also be eating at KFC every day.  C'mon.  Who wrote this scene?  Target?!


Can't wait for episode 2 that was rudely BLOCKED from my TV last night so we could watch the Giants suck ass for the 6th game in a row.  I'll have to pay $2.99 for it...so I hope it's as good as this one was.