SPOILER ALERT: Do not read unless you have finished Episode 30 of Kurt Seyit and Sura.
And please, all of my awesome drama-loving buds, please don't post spoilers in the comments. I have another 15 or 16 episodes to go and have been avoiding the internet like the plague right now. Read on to find out why.
"2 AM and I'm still awake writing a song. If I get it down on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, 'cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud. And I know that you'll use them however you want to." ~Breathe by Anna Nalick
Those are lines from one of my favorite songs, that I've used in blog posts before, and here I am using them again. Why? Because I was about to get into bed...yet had to come downstairs to my BFF, aka my MacBook Pro, and get all of this vivid static out of my brain or I'll never be able to sleep.
Another line I'm going to tackle, as I also have before, is this:
Let me try to explain.
I have now watched 30 episodes of Kurt Seyit and Sura. And I am exhausted. Never has a story had more of a vice grip on my soul. My dueling sense of all-encompassing fascination and shameless hyper-focus makes me question the depths of my seemingly addictive personality, and I'm not sure I'm winning this fight.
Tonight, after Seyit and Sura finally sat down and talked on the bench at the beach, just before Sura was shot, I had to stop the show and hug my husband...and cry. Oh lord, did I cry. I'm not quite sure he knew what to do as it was happening. I told him, "You're my real life Seyit" while I was blubbering. Somehow it helped to remind myself that these aren't real people (at least in 2018) and I am safe at home with someone who loves me. I have no Petro (that I know of), no Ayse (Lord help us all if I did), and no Baroness who might be gunning for the demise of my lovely, 28 year relationship with a beautiful man who loves me, unconditionally, at any given moment.
And that, really, is the crux of the problem. The crux of MY problem with this show. OH NOT that I have a problem with the show, other than the fact that it makes me want to turn to a crack pipe as methadone. OH no, no, no. The problem I have is within myself, and the things I find I cannot handle, emotionally, while riding this Seyit and Sura roller coaster. On one hand, I could handle it if Sura was leaving, knowing what Seyit had actually done. (Although I'm still holding out silly hope we'll meet Vera? again and find out he passed out while calling Sura's name). And I could handle it if Seyit knew what Sura mistakenly thought had happened between him and Ayse (God forBID because I loathe that woman from the bottom of my shredded soul.) But what I CANNOT begin to accept are the decisions they've been making while not knowing the truth. The truth shall set you free...wait...sorry...the tears are coming again. Be right back...
OK where was I? Oh right. The truth shall set you free. And I have just been such a wreck over this mangled, mixed-up MESS of a once-beautiful life together that they are trying to sift through. Because WE know what's real, but THEY don't. I can't even stand to look at that Ayse, and I thank God every day for Ayla, because she feeds Sura AND Seyit as much truth as she can. And that leads me to the best character in the show...
"Say it soft and it's almost like praying..." ~Leonard Bernstein
Celil is kind. Celil is decent. (Shit! Crying again...) Celil is just...so...good. He is everything that's right and unblemished in this world...and somehow Ushan Cakir's face seems to convey that near-piety so perfectly, it's impossible to take your eyes off him (even when Kivanç Tatlitug is on the screen with him.)
Without Celil, I would be lost. My mind would be adrift on a godless sea of doubt and despair. Celil comes along at just the right moment, surprises the hell out of us, and does something unrepentantly decent. And it's usually quite a surprise for the audience. When Celil told Tina to take a hike and went into that hospital room and talked to Sura...which caused her to tell him about creepy Ayse's bed antics, my heart almost leapt right out of my chest and planted a massive smacker right on his face across the room on my Samsung. Because THAT is what I need from this story. The truth. I need the TRUTH to come out so everyone is on an even playing field and can make their own, rational decisions. Which brings me to a bit of a complaint (not of the show, but of the characters' brilliantly drawn ignorance):
Stop shielding Sura!!! She's the smartest, most reasonable person on the whole damn show!!! She's not 16 anymore!!! She's seen things that even Captain Douchebag Billy hasn't had to deal with in her young life...so leave her alone and LET HER DECIDE FOR HERSELF!!! Tell her the truth (and that goes ESPECIALLY for you, SEYIT) and let her make some rational, logical decisions, based on that truth, for the love of all that is holy in this world.
And as I see the clock it ticking even faster than it was when I sat down, I will start to wrap this up, because I'll be up in a few hours driving kids to school. But here's MY unmitigated truth:
When Sura ran into that courtyard during the fire, grabbed Seyit and told him she loved him and would never be away from him again, I have never been so happy in my whole life. (I'm not even doing my Long Duck Dong accent while saying that; THAT is how serious I am about these feelings.) THAT is what it's all about. THAT is what we've needed for what, something like TEN episodes??? Just unbridled RAW EMOTION. And fear. FEAR is what made her say "to HELL with him not being able to keep it in his annoyingly over-worn black dress pants; I LOVE the sonofabitch!" And it was seriously one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Ever. Because let me tell you, THAT is what it's all about. I rewound right in the middle of it, just so I could see HIS arm around HER during that whole thing...and those 10 seconds of mutual adoration made it all OK when they dragged him off in cuffs. I could/might seriously stop watching RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT because I am so completely satiated from that otherworldly moment...and don't want anything to happen to alter it's sublime impact on my tattered heart.
And that, my friends, is the answer to "Why Purgatory?" ❤️