Saturday, November 23, 2013

Reign: I Think I Love You. I Think.

SPOILER ALERT:  I have watched 6 delicious episodes of Reign so far.  

I'm beyond smitten with this show.  I can't get enough.  It's not on for another 2 weeks and I don't know how I'll get through Thursday without it!  Waiting one week seems long enough!

Maybe I'd hook you up with my slutty ex
if you'd stop hooking up with my hot
fiance who I vow to possibly never marry.
I am still in shock at what Francis did to Mary this week.  NOT that I'm grossed out.  Let's face it,
girlfriend was sucking face with Bash...and he saw it.  What's a guy to do when his hot ex is back in town and his virginal fiance is making out with his half brother??  Give him a break!  And you know he was imagining the ho was Mary the whole time anyway.  Let's just hope he and Bash can work it out.  It's never idea to get in between blood.  No way.

I am usually so caught up in these two that I can hardly breathe...but let's see who else we can dish about.

I, Kenna, take thee Henry, to be my
lawfully, unwedded sugar daddy...
I can't stop LOLing at Kenna's naivety.  "I'm the king's official mistress."   Wheee doggie.  DARE TO DREAM, girl!!  And how about when the king went right back to Diane while they were digging up the tiles in their old room!  Kenna is going to nag herself right out of that room and over to the cottage.  Or worse; right out of France.

What SCARES me when I see what a ho Henry is, is that Francis is his father's son...and he might end up just as much of a ho as Henry.  Bash?  Yep.  I can see it.  He'll jump in and out of women's beds faster than a cricket in your basement when.  But Francis?  He seems like he's got some integrity.  I hope that Olivia doesn't screw it right out of him.

Mary, I *must* kiss you and ditch
you in every episode.  It's the CW!
OK so that storyline with Bash and the sacrifices...  Confused, party of 1?  I sat through the whole thing thinking "Yeah..OK...just get us back to Francis and Mary."  LOVED that Francis blew Mary off YET AGAIN...but I don't know how much more back-and-forth I can take out of these two.

Will someone please find Queen Catherine a date.  That woman needs to re-LAX.  Maybe she can double with Nostradamus so she'll know what they're serving for dessert before she even orders an appetizer.

Le sigh.  Nothing more for almost two weeks.  Hopefully Francis will get his act together by then and stop schtupping his ex ho.  If not, Mary may start hiding Bash in that little cubby behind the wall...

Thursday, November 21, 2013

American Horror Story: Exsqueeze Me?

Spoiler Alert:  I have watched up to Episode 7: "The Dead." 


Please don't let me die in this robe!
Um, yuck.  The tongue thing was tres disgusting.  At least we got to hear Dennis O'Hare speak before Zoe killed him. I'm sure someone will bring him back, however.  That seems to be the way it works this season.  I hope so; that man is a god on screen.

No fair.  You're both
dressed and I'm in a towel.
Honestly, I'm a bit grossed out at the threesome.  I know this job gets its jollies by freaking people out...but that was just...so unnecessary.  They're kids.  And two of them are dead.  Ew.  Not sexy at all.

Is it me or do Kyle's body parts from other guys totally mess with your mind?  I felt so bad for him when he realized the tats weren't his.  Meanwhile, I wonder whose johnson he got.  Or rear end, which we saw plenty of last night.  Lorddddddd the gratuitous Evan Peters butt shot.

No matter how hard I
try, I just can't be sexy. 
Not sure how to feel about Fiona and Saxophone Devil Man hopping into bed together.  It was kindof...decrepit.  She's got one foot in the grave...and he's just...um...yeesh.  I don't mean to be a beotch because Danny Huston is a good actor.  But the sex doesn't make a whole lotta sense to me.  Fiona's dripping with sensuality...and Saxophone Devil Man is...um...not.  In the slightest.  He comes off more as a funeral director (NOT that funeral directors can't be hot; I'm sure there are some good ones out there.)  You get my point, so let's move on...

WHERE is Nan?  You've got Madison ho-ing around...Zoe killing people AND ho-ing around...Queenie up to NO good (I'll get to that in a minute), Fiona out doing the funeral director...and Delia feeling her way around the house and spilling tea.  So WHERE is Nan??? That poor kid is so neglected!  I wonder if it's on purpose and we'll find out SHE is the chosen witch with all the power.

Do they think I'm nice? NOT!
OK so Queenie - what's up with you, girl?  I get it; Delphine is a monster.  But YOU are not.  So why take her to Voodoo Stella Got Her Groove Back and hand her over like an animal?  You tried to save her in the past; why change now?
That's about all I've got in me about AHS today.  Next week will be very telling.  Either I'm going to continue to watch...or I'm going to start going to bed at a decent hour on Wednesdays; it's up to them.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

The Walking Dead: Guess Who's Back?!

Admit it; you think I'm hot.
Entertainment Weekly does, too. 
Spoiler Alert:  I have watched 6 eps of season 4. 

OMG I cannot BELIEVE how much I love the Governor now!  I HATED him!  And now he's fantastic!  I love his little wanna-be family and his relationship with his new "daughter".  OMG I will be so mad at Rick if he kills him!!

I really thought I'd be bored with a full ep about the Gov...but it was just the opposite!  Which says a lot about David Morrissey that he can carry an entire hour!

And is it me?  Or is he all the sudden...kinda...hot??

I really have nothing more to say about ep 6...except that the gov's girlfriend's almost-cop sister - aka Alanna Masterson - aka redhead dude from That 70s Show's sister - looks like Camilla Belle.  I'm thinking this character has some skells in her closet.  We'll see.

Here's a trailer for next weeks' ep.  Can't WAIT!!!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

The Walking Dead: Um, EW.

Spoiler alert:  I am totes caught up on The Walking Dead as of Sunday, November 10th. 

Holy crap.  Tonight's ep was gross.  GROSS.  I can't even go to sleep.  I'd rather see them shove sticks in the eyes of all those fence-walkers than watch Pop Pops wipe bloody tears and intubate the masses on Cellblock H.

Y-U-C-K!!!!

And speaking of the fence...WTF are they going to do now???  And how is it that Rick an Carl were frolicking around in the pea patch the morning after TWO fences gave way??  Oh THAT'S right...Carl probably fixed both of them when everyone was sleeping.  That's why Rick let him sleep in.

And holy CRAP...we don't know what Daryl's going to do when he finds out about Carol.  You KNOW boyfriend's going out looking for her.  And he's probably going to find the GUBNER on his way back!!  Oooooh BOY I can't believe Hottie McEye Patch is back in town.  Mmm hmm.  Things're gonna get REALLY fun now.

Hi...Shower?  This is Rick and Hershall.  Rick and Hershall?  This is the shower.  USE IT, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY!!!  I can smell BOTH of your asses through the damned TV!!!

Glad Glenn didn't die.  NOT too glad Maggie busted in.  She's pretty important on fence-duty; hope she doesn't get sick, too.

What's going to happen next week?  Wonder what The Gubner's up to.  Wonder who else will get sick?

One thing I DO know...

So glad Carl's got his hat back.  Snicker.




Saturday, November 2, 2013

Reign: This One's a Keeper!

SPOILER ALERT:  I've seen the first 3 episodes of Reign.

Oh. My. God.  (Said like the girl in the beginning of the "I Like Big Butts" video.)  I cannot TELL you how juicy and enjoyable this show is.  It is quickly rising to the top of my "Best Shows on TV" list.  It's definitely at the top of my "Sauciest Shows on TV" list (which, apparently, I just made up 5 seconds ago.)

If you are watching Reign to get your fill of historical accuracy, do not even bother.  ("Bash" is a completely made-up "character" and did not even exist in "real life".)   But if you want total soap-opera awesomeness, complete with beautiful royalty and a boatload of angst, get your ass to the CW on Thursday nights. (I just read the Halloween night ratings weren't nearly as low as they'd expected for a fledgling show.  Right on!)

So...what's this show all about?  Well - first you've got Mary, Queen of Scots (we all know I find the word "Scot" delish in any context) who is trying desperately to hitch her cart to any royal wagon she can find so she doesn't find herself toe up with Scotland being run by the English.

(Sigh.  Hindsight is 20/20, right?)

Then there is Prince Francis (pronounced Frahhhn-sess), her fiance since the age of 6, who is avoiding marrying her...yet undeniably attracted to her at the same time.  Francis is a pretty decent dude who is just trying to learn from - and impress - his father, the slutty king who has a wife AND a public mistress.  And a son from each bed partner; Francis from his wife, the ever-bitchy Queen Catherine (who counts on Nostradamus for all her fortune-telling needs)...and Bash from his mistress, what's her name.  Bash is hot in a Damon Salvatore way...and seems to also be a pretty decent dude and is tight with Francis (which is usually unheard of when it comes to fictitious half-brothers from your king-daddy's other main squeeze.)

If you dig somewhat accurate period pieces and lots of drama...you MUST watch Reign on the CW on Thursday nights.  (You can watch all three episodes online at the CW!)  This new, little show needs all the help it can get to "reign supreme" on today's impressive TV lineup.  (Pun intended!)