Monday, October 21, 2013

The White Queen: They Paved Paradise and Put Up a Parking Lot

SPOILER ALERT:  I am finished The White Queen!

Yes...I'm sneering at you. Deal.
WOWWWWW.  I was on the edge of my seat during the whole last episode.  I kept asking my husband "Is this longer than an hour?  How long have we been watching??"  It was just...so...JUICY!  And there was no end in site!  Until it ended.  That kinda sucked.  

Richard, Richard, Richard...MUST you walk around SNEERING at everyone with those gorgeous eyes?  DAMN you, Richard!  I wanted to hate you...I really did.  And when you fell to your death on the battlefield?  You KNOW what we were all thinking:  PEOPLE PARK THEIR CARS OVER THAT SHIT NOW!!!  (OK not really as his bones were moved...but still.  Creepfest, party of Richard!)

If you don't know about Richard's remains ended up...you MUST read this delicious weather.com article about his bones being found last year. 

OK so hmmm...Elizabeth (the younger one). Was she a ho?  Anne was hella bitchy and Richard was the king.  Can't really blame a girl for falling into that den of iniquity, can we?  WHAT a position to be in, too!  "If the king loses, I'll marry Henry TYOOdor and be queen.  If the king wins, I'll marry the king and be queen.  Not too shabby!"  

How can I get
those gorgeous locks?
Suck it, Henry TYOOdor;
my hair is better than yours. 
And how about the haircut on Henry TYOOdor??  C'mon, man...this is a major television series for the BBC, Starz and lord knows who else.  You'd THINK you could lose the square haircut and seek out Richard's badass stylist.  That shit was PRIME hottie hair, was it not?  Henry TYOOdor's looked like Lord Farquaad from Shrek.
Henry, how's Sal down
at the barber shop?
 Tell him I said Hi!

OH my God - how much am I going to  miss Margaret??  She was fanTAStic.  I am the mother of the King, HENRY TYOODOR...and my fence-riding douche of a 4th husband can suck it."
Bow before the
Queen Mother, bitch. 

Her cocky ass marched itself RIGHT into camp...and then the battlefield!  She just sashayed her way across the bloody grass like she owned the place!  It was fantastic!

And the whole time, Mama Elizabeth just bid her time at that country estate, just watching the weather and planning her magic.  It was so awesome when her son came home; I have to google the crap outta that sitch and see what really went down.  Clearly somebody thinks she switched her son with that poor kid who bit it with her other son, Richard.  Or was it Edward?  (Shit she had 10 kids.  Who can keep them straight?)

I can't even be a wiseass
about theselittle lost souls.
Poor Elizabeth.
I can't even imagine.
Ritchie, I want an
Oompa Loompa
and I want one
NOW!
And Anne Neville.  Sigh.  She started out so sweet and that hellish, royal, medieval life really got the best of her.  I cried when her son, Edward died.  And how's about Daddy holding Elizabeth's hand at the funeral?!?  OH MY GOD that was so TWISTED!!!

I can't even blog anymore...I HAVE to go google.  There is so much intrigue in the British monarchy over the centuries.  I'm so glad people like Phillipa Gregory realize it and write about it...and make it positively yummy for the rest of us to swallow!

And since I am currently having a love affair with Starz, I just want to THANK them - once again - for backing the right horse and putting this FANTASTIC series on the air in the US.  

And PS - want to know what King Richard would have sounded like???  HOW COOL IS THIS?!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

you are so spot-on and hilarious, as usual, carol! oh, the hair! i've been digging into english history, again, and there are so many stories regarding richard III and the princes in the tower. listening to richard III's spoken english--amazing! thank you for sharing. --julie in jersey

Carol said...

You are welcome, girlfriend! Thanks for reading!! I love all the British monarch stories. They're so much fun to delve into. Although the story of the princes in the Tower has upset me for years. I was shocked when I realized The White Queen was going to cover it!!! KUDOS to Starz for picking this one up!! :)

Cari said...

How have I not seen this until now???

First of all, let me know if you find any evidence (Carol Googles so I don't have to) about the princes. I feel bad for the switcheroo kiddo, but it would be lovely to think that Elizabeth might have been able to spirit at least one of her boys away...

I thought the series had a very abrupt end. How about you? I felt like it should have had one more episode. So, Henry TYOOdor (you crack me UP!) and Edward and Elizabeth's daughter Elizabeth are ancestors of the current royal family? Do I have that right? Man, I LOVE all of this history.

That audio clip was SO COOL! (Reminds me of something that was said in the ADOW sequel.) I have no idea how we KNOW that's how they talked, but I'm glad there are smarties who DO know and can share with us! ;-)